Hi everyone! As many of you know, I am recently unemployed. Which, luckily for you, means I have plennnntttty of free time these days to give advice to those of you who are foolish enough to come to me for guidance. Let’s dive in.
Dear Dr. Rachel,
I recently moved to Stamford from upstate CT and am going through a hard time adjusting. I’m a single woman in my early 30s and I didn’t realize how hard it is to make friends as an adult. Any advice?
Sincerely,
New in Town
Dear Newbie,
Whew! You are preachinggggg to the choir. After recently being plagued with unemployment, I too thought that it would be an excellent time to expand my social circle. And you are correct. The older you get, the harder it becomes to meet people organically. When you’re younger, you’re constantly forced into shared collective spaces with other people your age, like homeroom or gym class or the abandoned field you all meet up to drink Bacardi Raspberry in while your parents think you’re safe in bed at a sleepover. Unfortunately, as you enter adulthood, these places tend to dwindle down until you’re left with just one: the office.
According to certain studies, one third of your life is spent at work. This means that the people you spend the majority of your life with are your coworkers. That said, there are many reasons why working together does not necessarily = lifelong friendship. If you’re 30 or younger, there’s typically an age gap between you and the majority of your coworkers and listening to 48-year-old Janet’s hot takes on Americas Got Talent might just not be your jam. Orrr maybe you work with a group of cult-y horse girls that drink XL French Vanilla Light & Sweet Iced Coffees from Dunkin Donuts at an eye-popping 8 am and then have the AUDACITY to ask you through their caffeine tremors why you never smile in the morning which ends up making you feel like you’re Wednesday fucking Adams or something. (that one might have been just my own personal experience)
Anyhoo, in my recent pursuit of a friend who is down to grab a drink on a rainy Tuesday or just simply is available go out to dinner on the weekend without requiring the codes to our nuclear weapons, the ability to coordinate schedules by longitude and latitude, and then still needing to be booked out four months in advance—I decided it might be worth downloading Bumble BFF.
The app, which totes itself as being “a place for finding your kinda people”, seemed like a simple way to connect with other like-minded losers in need of a hobby such as myself. Unfortunately, in my brief experience, I found it to be incredibly tricky to DM other girls on what is primarily known as a dating app without feeling like you’re giving them the impression that you’re trying to munch on their box. Go figure.
**Just a side anecdote, I did meet one girl who immediately added me on Instagram and seemed promising. She said she saw my BFF Bio, which read: “I’m recently unemployed and have been in a relationship for ten years and my friends are boring and this was a suggestion from my therapist please don’t tell anyone I’m on here. Insta: @rachellabellaa” and she was curious if me and my boyfriend were engaged because she was allegedly going through a breakup and she “so wanted what I have!” and I thought okayyyyy kind of a weird opener, but beggars can’t be choosers.
After I told her I wasn’t engaged, it turned out she worked for Netflix and was actually just casting for a reality show called “The Ultimatum” where one partner is looking to get engaged and the other partner is dragging their feet and thought I would be an excellent candidate. So basically, Netflix just has casting agents scouring Bumble BFF looking for desperate losers under the guise of building lifelong friendships and she came across my profile and thought I was THE perfect desperate loser for the job**
Sorry. That was longwinded. Back to your question. So, where does one meet friends organically? I’m going to say the words that if you’re allergic to all things exercise (like me) you probably won’t want to hear. Exercise classes. Apparently, in addition to the 90s, the 80s are also having a comeback and exercise classes are once again on the rise. In fact, there’s some local run club that I keep seeing on Instagram (@stamford.runclub) with like 1,100 members that meets three times a week. And frankly, if you can’t find one person out of 1,100 that’s willing to knock back a couple Pinot Noirs with you once a month then you’re the problem. There’s also like, Zumba classes that take place all around the city (particularly in the warmer months) and are made up predominantly of women and fitness-minded gays which is even better.
Dear Dr. Rachel,
I come from a very conservative family, and our differing political beliefs have always caused some friction, but lately it’s become unbearable. Every time I go on Facebook, they’re posting conspiracy theories and just generally inaccurate and racist things that are really embarrassing. The holidays are coming up (post-election) and I’m seriously dreading seeing them. How do I avoid getting into an inevitable argument?
Sincerely,
Depressed Dem
Dear Depressed,
Let me just tell you your first mistake. Going on Facebook. Facebook is a cesspool of people who never went to college and girls from your high school who refer to themselves as girl boss entrepreneurs, but are really just Assistant to the Regional Manager for a Multi-Level Marketing Pyramid Scheme.
This might be off topic, but if you start a job at 8 a.m. on a Monday and by lunch time on Wednesday you’re the Senior Vice President District 12 Managing CFO of GURLBOSSINCORPORATED, it’s time to start asking some fucking questions. And the first question is who is watching little Braiden and Oakleigh while Mommy hocks skincare products from Tiwan that will inevitably give me a rash?
Anyway, if staying off Facebook during this tumultuous time is too difficult, might I suggest simply unfollowing your racist relatives? Or, you could always go on the offensive and every time your Aunt posts about Biden having dementia you can comment and say you know who else has dementia, Aunt Brenda? Grandma. And you haven’t called her in six months. How about you hop off Marc Zuckerberg’s internet and give her a buzz before she drops dead.
Back to your question. I’m sorry your family sucks. The truth of the matter is that as the election draws to a close, this is the last chance for ultra right-wing idiots to feel comfortable being outwardly ignorant and racist under the guise of supporting a presidential candidate. (Soon) gone are the days where white supremacists can drive down the road in their “Grave Digger” monster trucks with a confederate flag in the front and a MAGA 2024 sticker in the back. When Trump inevitably loses, (the whole Kill Tony “comedy” set at Trump’s MSG rally and that pro-Trump commentator who made a “joke” about a Muslim panelists “beeper” going off on live television reaallly sealed the deal) they’re going to be forced back into the shadows, and they’re pissed.
Frankly, I’m genuinely concerned about what these people will do with their free time when there is no longer a dictator-like figure to cling to in order to provide a misguided sense of heroism to their bigotry. Stage another Jan 6 coup? If this is the case, then you might luck out and Uncle Buck might not make it to Thanksgiving this year because he’ll be in jail. And while we’re on the subject, where is this guy? Can we get a pulse check on the QAnon Shaman?
Dear Dr Rachel,
Every year on November 1st, my family insists on sending out their annual “Christmas Wish List” — an email packed with gift suggestions they fully expect the rest of us to buy for them. The list is usually filled with pricey, unnecessary items (last year’s even included requests for “vacation fund” donations) not just for their kids, but for themselves as well. AITA for thinking it’s completely inappropriate for grown adults to ask their relatives for specific Christmas gifts?
Sincerely,
Curious or Cheap?
Dear Curious,
Vacation fund? Vacation fund?! Here’s a gift idea. Get them a one-way ticket to Go Fuck Yourself Island. Kids fly for free.
You’re not cheap. In my personal opinion, it is willlldly inappropriate and borderline nonsensical to ask other people to buy you things that you cannot afford to buy yourself. (And that extends beyond Christmas to include baby showers, wedding registry’s, etc.,) Like, if Cousin Chloe is blowing her child support on acrylic tips and a Forever 21 haul for her big night out at a Bridgeport Hookah Lounge, why do you expect me to buy baby TamiLynn an iPad? I barely like you and quite frankly, I barely like your kids. Tamilynn can have last season’s Bratz Doll and a farm handshake, and even that’s pushing it.
I’d actually like to take this opportunity to link arguably my favorite TikTok of all time that I happen to listen to year-round. Please send this to your relatives once you receive their Christmas list and get back to me with their response. Video here: Don’t Ask For Nothing
#AITA #REDDIT #SUBREDDIT #ADVICE #ADVICECOLUMN #CT #CHRISTMAS #HOLIDAYS #THANKSGIVING #ELECTION #ELECTION2024 #KAMALAHARRIS #DONALDTRUMP #VOTE #VOTE2024 #LIB #REPUBLICAN #FACEBOOK #TRENDING #NEWBLOG
Wine and Zoloft 
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