Virgo Season, Not Blowjob Season

Hi everyone! Hope you’re all doing well. Or, at the very least, better than me. As we enter my favorite season, Virgo season, we are on the precipice of the very date which I was dragged into this world kicking and screaming. And as my birthday looms around the corner, I’ve decided to give youContinue reading “Virgo Season, Not Blowjob Season”

To Waitress or Not to Waitress? / Hot Topics

Gut Yontiff! Here’s an age old question for you all- What would you do, if your son (Pitbulls) was at home crying all alone on the bedroom floor bc they’re hungry? And the only way to feed them is to sleep with a man for a little bit of money (stay in a job thatContinue reading “To Waitress or Not to Waitress? / Hot Topics”

Racially Motivated Canine Vigilante

Good morning, It’s 11:42 on a Wednesday and I am truly spiraling. Over the weekend, I was stalked, harassed, and verbally accosted by some Cadet Karen that lives in my building who appears to have some taken an issue with my ambiguous breed registered service dogs. After being followed down the street and unlawfully recordedContinue reading “Racially Motivated Canine Vigilante”

LinkedIn Influencers & Tantric Night Terrors

Hi. How’s it going with everyone? As for me, in the immortal words of Dorinda Medley, I’ll tell you how I’m doing. Not well bitch. In addition to my paralyzing battle with acid reflux, I’m currently struggling with the same cold/illness of unknown origin which I get every single year around this time. I’m weirdlyContinue reading “LinkedIn Influencers & Tantric Night Terrors”

Life’s Questions- I Need Answers.

Goooood morning everyone. It’s 9:52 a.m. and I’m fucking spiraling. First things first. As anyone out there who takes melatonin to sleep is well aware,  it typically causes some prettttty vivid nightmares. However, the dreams that I had last night were so fucked up and graphic I think that it’s best if I lay offContinue reading “Life’s Questions- I Need Answers.”

Celeb Dating, the Delta Variant, & Dr. Rachel

Heyyy. What’s poppin.  We’re gonna be a little all over the place today because I’m flying high on nine hours of sleep and my newest addiction which has taken the form of a medium iced tea with lemon and sugar from Donut Delight. I’ve probably mentioned this before, but any form of caffeine ordinarily sendsContinue reading “Celeb Dating, the Delta Variant, & Dr. Rachel”

Yelling Free Britney ’til I see Britney

HeYyYYY youuu  GuYYyyysss (Goonies Monster Voice) My schedule’s just been jam packed lately what with my blooming political career and all the time I spend googling lists of federal holidays, Jury Duty volunteer forms, and really anything else that may enable me to take the day off. Fortunately, multi-tasking is actually one of the only skillsContinue reading “Yelling Free Britney ’til I see Britney”

Diary of a (Beauty) Addict

I can’t help but feel that my posts have become a little insular and mildly depressing so I decided to switch gears and write about something I’m passionate about almost as much as wine and self-loathing: makeup. I have loved makeup since the days of the Maybelline Dream Matte Mousse Foundation (always worn about sixContinue reading “Diary of a (Beauty) Addict”

Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot?

It’s official. We have escaped the dumpster fire hell scape that was 2020 and have embarked on the new year a little fatter, a little drunker, and a little more depressed. My resolution’s, in no particular order, are as follows: Lose weight Drink less Get a job that doesn’t require me to wear an apronContinue reading “Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot?”

Witnessing a Death and Other Christmas fun

Welcome back to the manic rantings of someone past their prime. I want to take a second to shout out the whopping 43 viewers of my previous blog post. It was about 42 more than I expected. My one other viewer was anticipated because I foolishly sent it to my mother who called it “interesting”Continue reading “Witnessing a Death and Other Christmas fun”

Introduce Yourself

Well here we are. 4:43 p.m. on a Tuesday afternoon, wearing one of my manyhouse robes, running a blow dryer on myself for warmth. Or, what it’s otherwiseknown as, rock fucking bottom. Actually, I think rock bottom was when Ihesitated at the thought of spending the $48 that is apparently required tostart a blog. Shouldn’tContinue reading “Introduce Yourself”