Celeb Dating, the Delta Variant, & Dr. Rachel

Heyyy. What’s poppin.  We’re gonna be a little all over the place today because I’m flying high on nine hours of sleep and my newest addiction which has taken the form of a medium iced tea with lemon and sugar from Donut Delight. I’ve probably mentioned this before, but any form of caffeine ordinarily sends me into a tailspin to the point where if I drank a cup of coffee I’d probably have to go to the hospital. I’m not exactly sure why, it’s probably a combination of my severe anxiety (which I keep suppressed with a daily dose of SSRI’s and whatever bottle of wine I can get my hands on), as well as what I think may or may not be early onset Parkinson’s Disease. I shake like a battered wife at all times, and it should probably be something that I look into in the near future.

Can we take a moment to talk about the reuniting of BENNIFER? Let me start by saying this, they give me hope. Hope that at the age of 50, I too can be hot, in love, and boning a sexy former Batman from Boston. I mean seriously, ever since he hooked back up with JLo he’s got some life back in those deadeyes of his and he’s even lost his alcoholic face bloat (something I know about all too well). They remind me of simpler times when I would go home after school and turn on America’s Next Top Model and watch Tyra Banks verbally assault young aspiring models for sport. The glory days of media, when there were REAL power couples that commanded 24/7 media attention. Not like these so called “celebrity couples” these days. I mean, does anyone really give a shit about Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes? Every time I see staged paparazzi photos of them on a “walk” I find myself with a deeeep sense of discomfort. And furthermore, is anyone really buying that relationship? I’ve never even heard him speak but I can bet one thing, he’s as gay as the day is long. One thing I will say is that I really pray to god that Ben and Jlo’s relationship isn’t staged for media attention or some sort of remake of the Jenny From the Block Video. I don’t want to believe it’s a publicity stunt, especially since they’re both A-list celebrities and don’t really have much reason to be vying for public attention, but those pictures the other day of the two on a yacht were an exact side by side replica from her music video 20 years prior. Hand placement on her ass and all.

As for something else that’s been really stoking the embers of hope in my heart, let’s briefly touch upon the resurgence of Covid-19. Before anyone comes at me bringing up the deaths of approximately 4.16 million individuals worldwide as a result of this virus, as well as the millions of families whose lives were adversely effected- let me stop you right there. That’s obviously not what I’m referring to. What I am referring to is the possibility of returning to one of the happiest times of my life in recent memory- quarantine. There are very few things that I wouldn’t do for another lockdown. I honestly felt the overwhelming sense of comradery stemming from not being able to leave your house and not knowing what the hell was going on united the whole world.  

Maybe it’s that I crave the uncertainty and the excitement of the unknown, which would accompany every day when I turned on the news. Would people be battling for the death for a package of Charmin Ultra Soft at my local Walmart? Would the poor circulation in my toes suddenly become the newest symptom attributed to the virus? It was truly a roll of the dice. One thing I do know however is I miss the days of it being socially acceptable to crack open a bottle of breakfast wine and get little to nothing accomplished on a daily basis. The pressure of achieving, of thriving in your twenties, was virtually obsolete because you couldn’t go anywhere or do anything. You could just make banana bread.

One aspect which I find a little unnerving are these new guidelines that are being rolled out seemingly on a daily basis. One day I’m hearing that the CDC is going to revert back to requiring everyone to wear masks indoors regardless of vaccination status. The next day I’m hearing that you won’t actually be required to wear a mask as long as you carry around your vaccine card with proof that you’re fully vaccinated. Honestly, and I’m far from an anti-masker or an anti vaxxer, but the whole thing is sounding  littttttle bit unconstitutional and bordering on Nazi Germany-esque when Jewish persons were required to carry cards indicating their religion. Figure it out, Money Bagg Joe. And furthermore, where the hell is Dr. Fauci?

Since I’m really on a roll today and I’ve received requests (two) to bring back my Dr. Rachel segment I decided to do one or two. So here you go.

Dear Dr. Rachel,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years and he’s showing no signs of making a commitment anytime soon. I’m not asking for a ring, but I would like to move in together like everyone else our age (he’ll be 30 next month). I don’t want to put any pressure on him, but I don’t think it makes sense for us to both have roommates and pay rent when we spend most nights together. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he always avoids the conversation or says he “isn’t sure if he’s ready” to move in together. Am I just wasting my time?

Dear Time Waster,

Umm yea probably. What exactly is it that he’s unsure of? Whether or not he likes you enough to move in with you? Whether he’s ready to make that commitment despite being a grown man pushing thirty in a long-term relationship with someone who has an impeccable taste in blogs? I know that 30 is supposed to be the new 20, especially for men, but at some point they’ve got to overcome their peter pan syndrome and grow the fuck up. Honestly, and I hate to be blunt about this, but it sounds like he’s either immature or just putting off committing to you because he’s waiting for something better to come along. If your three years in, there’s no reason that you need to be subjected to uncertainty from him about anything. I will say that the fear of commitment is something that seems to be prevalent in all men and not necessarily a reflection of his feelings for you, but do you really want to be with someone that you have to convince to move in with you? There are plenty of men out there who wont require you to beg for the bare minimum. Remember that.

Dear Dr. Rachel,

My boyfriend won’t stop liking other girls Instagram pictures. I know it’s really stupid and I don’t mind when it’s just IG models but it reallllllly bothers me when it’s someone he knows. I’ve confronted him about it before and it always ends in a fight, I just don’t know how to stop letting it bug me. I don’t want to seem like I’m insecure, help!

Dear Insecure,

OOooooh this is a tricky one. It never really bothered me when my boyfriend would like other girls photos, with the exception of a select few whores (you know who you are). I actually found it more embarrassing when he would like peoples pics like one of the Kardashians. Like, do you think that Kylie Jenner’s going to see your like and say wow I really love this kids confidence let me slide in his DMs? Hang it up. With that  being said, it is more concerning to me that when you say something to him it ends in a fight. I’m a firm believer that if something as silly and innocuous as an Instagram like is bothering your significant other, why simply not do it? What are you getting out of the situation that’s worth fighting with your girlfriend for the next three days? If it’s really that important for him to let his coworker at Chase know he thinks she looks hot in her bikini pic at Cove beach then guess what? He’s the problem and he’s also a loser. Honestly, I guess it is kind of embarrassing for everyone involved when someone who’s visibly in a relationship is going around liking other girls pictures. My favorite thing to do and something I actually suggest for you to do is when you see that he likes a certain girls photo, whether you know her or not, like the photo as well and comment heart eyes or the fire emoji. That’ll really throw everyone for a fucking loop and the girl will probably be left wondering if you guys are virtually trying to initiate some sort of threesome.

#deltavariant #covid19 #dating #datingadvice #bennifer #jlo #popculture #newblogger #wine #zoloft

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