L.K.W.C.A. (Hot Topics)

Hello all. I have had a particularly trying two weeks and I can feel my already WAFER thin veil of sanity starting to slip, so I thought now might be as good of time as ever to check in with everyone before turning my attention to some hot topics.

First and foremost, I am once again on the job hunt. As I have previously mentioned, my position doing public relations for this glorious city was apparently contingent upon the past Mayoral administration staying in office, a fact which I seemingly ignored until December 1st hit and I was being pried from my desk kicking and screaming.

In laymen’s terms, in with the new, out with the .. me. And although the city has been kind enough to try and “repurpose my talent”, I don’t think I am going to last particularly long in the IT department. Steve Jobs, I am not. I barely know how to use Outlook.

With that being said, I forgot how absolutely harrowing searching for a job actually is. Allow me to share a very real job description for an “associate editor” role in which the salary is listed as “Pay: $24,500.00 – $94,406.00 per year”. Quite a bit of a gap there, but I digress.

Job Types: Full-time, Part-time

We are not for everyone. This is not a “corporate” environment job nor is it a funky start up with bean bag chairs and pizza day (????). A candidate’s values, respect and loyalty are more important than having the perfect experience because everything you do in our business ultimately reflects on us. We are a multi-platform media company, but more importantly, we are one of America’s “bedrock” industries (?????) – those that form the backbone of our nation and are full of hard working people with values, honor and respect. We care about “output” more than the “window dressing” it’s packaged in. (????????)  If you share these traits, please keep reading!

What does it all mean?

Another job which I applied to as a Public Affairs Officer for one of the branches of U.S. Military which shall remain NAMELESS responded back to me asking if I was “of reasonable weight for my age and height”. I understand that this is the Armed Forces, but I was applying for a corporate position not to go fucking defend our country on the front lines.

Anyway, enough about me. Let’s move on to some hot topics.

Unfortunately, I have not yet seen “And Just Like That”, the new SATC reboot starring 3/4ths of our favorite ladies (sans Samantha Jones), because I SIMPLY CANNOT AFFORD YET ANOTHER STREAMING SERVICE. I’ve already been tricked into subscribing to Netflix, Hulu, Disney Plus, Amazon Prime, PeaCock, and even fucking DogTV for my ungrateful dogs who live in my house rent free. If one more subdivision of subdivision of a Television Network decides to go out on its own and create an independent streaming service to capitalize on our growing need for escapism, I’m genuinely going to have to start selling my own plasma to keep up. Also like, does anyone remember Quibi? I wonder what happened to the Disney Exec that started that whole colossal failure. They probably have him working the concession booth at one of the theme parks now. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, Google it. I can’t be bothered.

Aaaaaaaanyway, ***SPOILER ALERT***, I have not been hearing many positive things about the reboot. In fact, I have been hearing mainly negative things, and they all seem to revolve around the fact that Big drops dead after a spin on a Peloton. Yikes. I’d like to have a sit down with the writer that thought that it was a good idea to put us through six seasons, 2 movies, and 23 GOD DAMN YEARS of our lives to suddenly kill off John James Preston in the first episode of the spin-off. WHAT WAS THE POINT? To get Carrie back into the dating game? THE JIG IS UP. SHE’S FULL GRAY AND HOVERING AROUND 60. COULDN’T WE HAVE JUST STUCK WITH THE HAPPY EVER AFTER APPROACH?

Also, and this is just a personal aside, I saw from the trailer they have Grey’s Anatomy alum Sara Ramirez moonlighting as a podcast host or something. Haaate that. Hated her on Greys. Hate her and that haircut now. To paraphrase the Grinch, hate, hate DOUBLE HATE.

Moving on,

Nancy Reagan apparently gave a good gluck gluck super-sucker 3000. Let’s all take a second to make peace with that before I continue. Ready?

Basically Ben My-Wife’s-Vagina-Is-Drier-Than-The-Sahara-Desert– (Again, Google it) Shapiro’s conservative podcaster sister randomly tweeted a side by side of Madonna at age 63 and Nancy Regan at age 64 and captioned it “Trashy living vs. Classic living. Which version of yourself do you want to be?” And it subsequently backfired because people started tweeting back an excerpt from a 1994 autobiography which stated that Nancy Pants was “renowned in Hollywood” for giving that sloppy toppy. Love that for her. Long live a throat goat queen.

Kanye really wants Kim back. And she’s just not having it. During Kanye and Drake’s semi out-of-left-field concert last week, Kanye was performing his song “Runaway”, and finished it by pleading “I need you to run right back to me, more specifically, Kimberly.” Nice play on words. Very cool, Kanye!

AnywayzzZ, days after this seemingly unwarranted public display of affection, Kim filed to be declared “legally single”, drop the WEST from her last name, declared that “no counseling or reconciliation effort” can fix the marriage, and added that “irreconcilable differences” continue to exist between her and Kanye. Ouch. I guess it’s true what they say. Once you go Pete Davidson, you never go back, and honestly, I can’t say I blame her. She’s tired of pretending to like gospel music in a grey Yeezy monochromatic sweat suit. #L.K.W.C.A.. LET KIM WEAR COLOR AGAIN.

Also lest we all forget that Kim fought hard for that marriage, showing up to Wyoming where he was hiding from her and having a public cryfest in the parking lot of a local Wendy’s.  Also ALSO, does anyone remember that Kanye was like trying to bone Irinia Shayk and the two were jet setting around Europe together only a few months ago? But now that Kim’s moved on, all of a sudden “God wants Kimye to be together”? Where exactly in the Ten Commandments does it say that? God doesn’t like crazy, Kanye.

#JusticeforKim #KimKardashain #KanyeWest #PeteDavidson #BenShapiro #NancyReagan #OralSex #HotTopics #AndJustLikeThat #Big #SJP #JobHunt #God #Religion #Conservative #Drake #Peleton #Quibi #SteveJobs

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