Welcome back to the manic rantings of someone past their prime. I want to take a second to shout out the whopping 43 viewers of my previous blog post. It was about 42 more than I expected. My one other viewer was anticipated because I foolishly sent it to my mother who called it “interesting” and “long-winded”. Hopefully this New Year I’ll finally learn from my mistakes. Anyway, I actually had a few things I wanted to get off my chest before recapping the second part of the RHOP reunion but, I’m fairly certain I just witnessed a death on the brisk walk from my boyfriends house to my own.
For the one person who also subscribed to my blog (i see you girlllll!) and is interested in following my weight loss journey a la the aforementioned cabbage soup diet, buckle up. I got my period, the cabbage soup slowly but surely began to repulse me, and I just shared pizza bagels for lunch with my cat. Anyway, I thought it might jumpstart somewhat of a fitness regime if I went for a nice leisurely walk and apparently, I could not have been more wrong. In between believing that every passing car was either falling in love with my effortless mysterious beauty or planning to kidnap me in broad daylight, I noticed a young ish guy slouched over at the drivers wheel in the middle of a busy intersection. I watched him for a second, but I saw his car begin to move so I assumed maybe he had his head down and was looking for something. Then, as I was churning out ideas for this blog and began walking again, I heard a loud crash.
I turned around and of course it was the beanie clad guy in a run down ford explorer who had veered over into the other lane and crashed into a fed-ex van. Quick interlude here, this is the first time I’ve actually ever seen a fed-ex van. I’ve seen fed-ex trucks, sure. But a van? Jeff Bezos has amazon employees racing around the streets in custom Amazon G-Wagons and you guys couldn’t shell out a couple extra bucks to update your transportation model? Step your game up fed-ex.
Anyway I turned around because I thought maybe no one else had seen that he clearly fainted or was rendered unconscious somehow and as the good Samaritan I am, I figured I should probably speak up. That was until some girl with maybe a liiiiittle too much time on her hands jumped out of her car and proceeded to run down the street at full speed and pry open his car door. This was clearly her time to shine. I stood there from a distance and watched her shake the guy repeatedly (probs not the best idea for someone who was just in an accident). She was inaudibly screaming and collapsed her head in her hands as the aforementioned Fed-ex driver emerged from his own vehicle looking pissed and waving his hands around. Like buddy, read the room. There’s some serious shit going down and your packages would’ve probably been late anyway.
I stood there for another five minutes as other people began pulling over and leaving their own cars to help and I thought to myself should I go over there and offer some assistance? As I heard what sounded like several ambulances and cop cars approaching I thought.. mmm better not. I have Christmas shopping to do and do I really have the time to hang around giving my eye witness testimony? The answer was no.
Anyhhoooooo I do have other thoughts to share with yall but I think I’d better put them on another post so as to not appear insensitive. I say that as I am about to use some suuuuper insensitive hashtags to hopefully get this blog viewed such as #crash and #death. Times are tough out here for a bitch and who knows he might not even be dead. I’ll probably give it like a light google tomorrow and report back.
#Crash #christmas #newblog #zerotohero #murder #fitness #excercise #diet #death
Wine and Zoloft 