Britney 911

Aaaand we’re back. I just want to talk briefly about something that has been weighing heavily on my heart for some time now. Something that has caused me a pain which I have not felt since I finally got to make out with a guy I had a huge crush on in high school and he started prodding and twisting my nipples like he was tuning a car radio. (They were so sore I couldn’t wear a bra for a week and I pretty much had to put the kibosh on things when he tried to incorporate biting into the action but that’s a story for another time) The subject matter which I’m actually referring to is none other than queen icon legend Britney Jean Spears. I wont delve into too much detail because I don’t want to work myself up into hysterics but you need to all go watch the new Hulu documentary “Framing Britney Spears” immediately. It didn’t have a lot of information which I wasn’t already privy to because incase you can’t tell I am ALLLL over this shit, but basically she has been wronged her entire career by everyone from Di*ne S*wyer (my new enemy) to the ramen-headed douche bag that is Justin Timberlake. Anyway, her scum sucking dementor father has had complete control over her life for the past decade and when she refused to perform or make music until he relinquished power over her finances, career, and daily life (seriously the girl isn’t allowed to have unapproved visitors or DRIVE A CAR) she was forcefully institutionalized. I don’t know if I buy the whole “she’s sending secret messages through her Instagram” thing but I have heard through a friend of a friend of an insider that although she’s allowed to chose her own content, her posts and captions have to be approved first. So help me god, if there is not a day of reckoning for that backwoods hick dad-ager I’m going to lose it.

Let’s see what else.. in the spirit of adulthood and independence I have decided to change my outlook on putting gas in my car – otherwise known as one of my most profound grievances in this world other than taxes being taken out of my paycheck without my consent. I already pay for the car. I pay for the insurance. I pay for the annual fees. DO I REALLY NEED TO PAY FOR GAS FUCKING WEEKLY ON TOP OF IT ALL? What kind of FASCIST NATION ARE WE LIVING IN?? I’m breaking into a sweat just typing this.

Anyway, I’ve come to realize that only putting 10$ in my tank at a time isn’t “sticking it to the man” so much as it is sticking it to myself. So, as a last hoorah I thought it would be a phenomenal idea to let my gas tank run until it was completely empty before finally swallowing my pride and filling it up all the way. Well, another shocking plot twist which I was blissfully unaware of is that gas pumps stop at night, and when I stopped off after work literally running on fumes and despair I was in for a rude awakening. Why? What is the purpose of this? Are they really that many masked vagrants siphoning gas at a local Shell? It was a crisp 12:30 a.m. at a dimly lit gas station and I might as well have been holding a sign that said “Please sexually assault me”. Long story short, I’ll be writing a letter to my local senator about all of the aforementioned issues. Including Britney Spears.

Well, in case it isn’t glaringly obvious from this post centered around Britney and putting gas in my car, my life as a single bachelorette has been far from exciting. It’s time for a change, if for no other reason than to have something to talk about in this fucking blog.

#britney #freebritney #britneyspears #britney911 #hulu #documentary #netflix #government #facism #dianesawyer #single #relationships #newblog

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