Hiiiiiiiiiii *Jill Zarin voice*. Another month of the all encompassing nightmare which has plagued us since last March is upon us. And to make matters worse, Valentine’s Day is hovering right around the corner. I always thought people who made a big deal about being alone on Valentine’s Day were as uncreative and generic as the holiday itself, but as I stare down the barrel of being single on Vday for the first time in seven years.. I’m less than thrilled. Like, if a single couple flaunts their happiness and mediocrity in my face I will end up on the news, less than thrilled. And to top it all off, it’s not even like I can partake in a pathetic “Galentines” gathering like certain horse girls with an overbite from my highschool WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS because all of my friends are currently in a relationship. Toxic or otherwise.
Since it’s been snowing for the past 18 hours I’ve had a lot of time to self reflect and decided that I would much rather focus on literally anything other than my own suffering. So, I’ve been watching a lot of TV. Here’s what I’ve been watching.
Broad City (Hulu)- I acknowledge that I’m pretty late to the party here but I’ve watched three full seasons in three days and I’m obsessed. For anyone else who’s also been living under a rock it’s written, created, and stars hipster besties Abbi & Ilana and chronicles their lives as broke Jewish qweeeens living in Brooklyn. Ilana Wexler is honestly my spirit animal (every one of her outfits are going on my vision board), even though we have nothing in common other than the fact that I too have ignored my shellfish allergy to the point of anaphylactic shock.
Nightstalker: The Hunt for a Serial Killer (Netflix)- I honestly can’t stand people (I’m using the word “people” in the name of feminism but we all know it’s women and we all know what type of women they are *coughs* horsegirls from my highschool *coughs*) who think that liking true crime is a personality trait. tRuE cRImEEe aNd WinEe aM I riiTE??! With that being said, I did dabble in this documentary originally because I saw the youths on TikTok saying that he (Richard Ramirez) was hot. Sure , the bone structure was above average and we all know I love a latino bad boy, but not enough to get past the whole horrific rape and murder thing. Anyway, the documentary was really well done, only four episodes, and cut right to the chase by focusing predominantly on the height of his viscous crime spree/ ultimate capture. I also wanted to give the chubby underdog Detective Gil a big hug. Just watch it, you’ll like it.
American Horror Story: 1984 (Netflix)- I think I’ve previously spoken about my disillusionment with the AHS Franchise following Freakshow and I honestly couldn’t get past two episodes of the calamitous disaster that was Hotel. I also just read an article on Vulture about Ryan Murphy’s fall from grace and how he basically thinks he can get away with whatever he wants as long as he throws Sarah Paulson in the mix which is WHAT I’VE BEEN SAAAAYIIIINNNNGGG, but that’s neither here nor there. Anyway, I started this season because the whole Night Stalker thing was a subplot to a group of promiscuous twenty somethings being hunted in a cursed summer camp by (atleast) two separate serial killers. I know it sounds like there’s a lot going on there but it’s actually pretty good and yes, the actor who plays Ramirez is hot. God I’m lonely. Anyway despite there being no Jessica Lange or Evan Peter’s in sight I’d still recommend it, even though something about Matthew Morrison sickens me to my very core.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (Netflix)- I’ve seen this movie before but in what was most likely a wine induced haze I seemed to have forgotten the entire plot, sooooo I watched it again. Just so so good. It’s based off of a 2005 novel of the same name and follows reporter Mikael Bloomkvist and local resident psychopath/ computer hacker Lisbeth Salander, played by Rooney Mara. What, like, ever happened to Rooney Mara? She was in this movie and as far as I’m aware never heard from again other than the fact that she’s engaged to undeniably unstable Joaquin Pheonix. Rooney girl if you’re out there, we miss you. We need you. The sequel fucking sucked. Anyway, the unlikely duo team up to help solve the 40 year old disappearance of some rich guy’s niece. I’m still a little unclear on the ending, but def worth the watch if you’re into a good vigilante thriller.
There’s some other show’s/movies I could delve into but I’m currently watching the Wendy Williams Lifetime documentary and I am truly at a loss for words. I love her, but the bitch is unhinged. She’s screaming, she’s crying, she appears to be on pills. And not the good kind.
Also if you’re reading this and you like it whether I know you or not please feel free to message me because I’m starting to feel like a reeeeaaaaal loser. Bye!
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