Hello everyone. I hope you’re having a truly blessed and bountiful week. As I fruitlessly scramble in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon for the missing charger to my favorite vibrator, I couldn’t help but feel my time would be better spent answering some more reader questions. I believe I promised a part 2 long ago, and much like Batman, when you needed me the most I disappeared. Again the names are redacted because some submissions are from friends, some from family, and some from strangers on the internet who inexplicably were desperate enough to seek my advice. Let’s dive in.
Dear Dr. Rachel,
I have a two part question. I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for about a year and I love him a lot and can definitely see having a future with him. We really only have two problems, and they both have to do with our sex life. Lately he’s been complaining that we haven’t been having sex enough. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to, I just sometimes feel like it’s easier and more enjoyable to just.. take care of the job myself. Secondly, I recently told him that when I am “on the job” it’s mainly only to lesbian porn and I think it really freaked him out. He’s made a couple comments about it, including that he doesn’t think it’s normal. Is there something wrong with me?
Asexual or Bisexual?
I just want to start off by saying there is nothing wrong with you. However, it sounds like there might be something wrong with your boyfriend, who seems to have had his fragile grasp on masculinity threatened simply by you vibbbing out to two women going Downtown Charlie Brown on each other. Would he prefer you to masturbate solely to men with far bigger penises than his? Because if that’s the case, Google Johnny Sins and you both can thank me later. Anyway, you are by no means alone in this sentiment. The majority of girls I know prefer watching girl on girl action. I think I read somewhere that it’s because it’s more intimate and makes us feel safer than heteronormative porn or something, but personally having the veiny penis of a stranger accosting me via my computer screen couldn’t be further from my idea of a good time. Also to answer your first question, it is perfectly natural for you to rather fly solo from time to time. You know what you like, you can get in and out as quickly as you want, and don’t have to risk getting lockjaw. So my advice to you Sexual is dim the lights, put your bf’s texts on Do Not Disturb, and feel free to select the Pornhub category of your choosing.
Dear Dr. Rachel,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time and have even recently gone to look at rings. I’m excited about possibly getting engaged, but I’m worried because I’ve never really gotten along with his family. No matter how hard I’ve tried, his parent’s and sisters have always been standoffish toward me and treat me like an outsider. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve just been flat out refusing to go to their family’s home for holidays and birthdays, which has caused several fights with my boyfriend. I really love **name dedacted** but it just makes me wonder how we can have a future together long term when his family still treats me like a stranger after all these years?
Ah, a sister after my own heart. Here’s the deal. By no means. Ahem, let me say this louder for the people in the back, BY NO MEANS is it necessary for you to continue to put yourself in an environment that causes you to feel uncomfortable. I don’t care if it’s your family, your boyfriend’s family, or the Royal Family. In that same vein, it is no one’s responsibility other than your potential fiancée’s to ensure that you are comfortable and treated with respect by his cringeworthy clan. If he outright refuses to mitigate the situation in any way it speaks monuments not only about what kind of man he is, but what kind of life partner he would be. With that in mind, you can’t force people to like you no matter how great you are. So my advice to you is to follow the ancient (Chinese?) proverb and speak softly and carry a big stick. What it means is as follows: don’t argue. Don’t engage. Keep your head down until it’s time to play hardball and reaaaalllly law down the law. At the end of the day a person has two families. The one that they are born into, and the one that they choose to make for themselves. Guess which one lasts?
Dear Dr. Rachel,
I’ve been feeling a little stuck lately. I was furloughed during quarantine and haven’t been able to find another job in my field. I’ve also been single for a long time and haven’t been able to go out and meet people organically since all this started (I don’t like dating apps). I don’t want to make it sound like I’m blaming Covid for all of my problems, but this wasted year has made me feel completely behind in my life. I want to make up for lost time, but I don’t even know where to start.
Quarter- Life Crisis
Dear Quarter- Life,
I can’t tell you how many people (myself included) feel this way. You’re not alone, and it also couldn’t be further from the truth. People tend to view their 20s as a competition, and drawing comparisons based on unrealistic depictions of other people’s lives on social media can be really damaging. I truly believe that everyone operates on their own timeline and, not to sound overly cliché, you’re exactly where you need to be in your life. Or maybe that’s just what I need to tell myself after drinking an entire bottle of wine and watching eight episodes of Ginny and Georgia in one sitting. Anyway, it sounds like this is the perfect time in your life to find out what you really want and what makes you happy. I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume the office job that furloughed you wasn’t your dream career regardless, so why not find a passion and follow that? Just remember instead of feeling stuck, you can always start over.
Alright that’s all the wisdom I have in me to impart on you bitches for today. As always please let me know if you like the blog or if you think I’m wasting my time and energy. And also more importantly if anyone out there reading this can find me a job so I don’t have to continue SLINGING MARTINIS UNTIL MY FINGERS BLEED feel free to slide into my DMs at your earliest convenience.
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