HeYyYYY youuu GuYYyyysss (Goonies Monster Voice)
My schedule’s just been jam packed lately what with my blooming political career and all the time I spend googling lists of federal holidays, Jury Duty volunteer forms, and really anything else that may enable me to take the day off. Fortunately, multi-tasking is actually one of the only skills I didn’t exaggerate (lie) about on my resume, so I’m used to having a lot of balls in the air and occasionally one or two in my mouth.
With that being said, I’ve been able to better utilize the time I spend dodging phone calls from Government employees demanding press releases and get some writing done. Unfortunately, I’m not really sure which direction this week’s ramblings are going to take because I have a lot to say and no one to say it to, so just bear with me.
Let’s kick it off with some negatives. Although I was essentially hogtied and forced against my will to go to Florida to see my mother just a few weeks ago, she decided that was not enough quality time for us and arrived yesterday for a “visit”. I’m not going to say that my propensity toward alcoholism stems from her, but I will say that upon her arrival she immediately demanded that I take her to the liquor store for “this cool new cinnamon flavored tequila” that she’s apparently a huge fan of. Then, before I had even pulled out of the Bevmax parking lot, she unscrewed the cap and began drinking straight from the bottle.
“What are you doing?” I asked, looking at her appalled in my rearview mirror. I’m in no position to judge someone’s alcohol consumption, but I at least pour my Pino Noir in a spare empty water bottle if I don’t have access to a stemmed wine glass on the go. I’m a lady.
“What?! I’m only having a sip!” She screeched. And then proceeded to have several large “sips” that I’m pretttty sure resulted in her being drunk by the time we made it back home. (It’s a seven minute drive)
Upon returning back to our casa de los locos, my mother decided it would be a good time to pick up the phone and verbally accost her mother. I was sprawled out on the couch in the upstairs living room searching for the will to live when I had the pleasure of overhearing the conversation on speakerphone.
“MA. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
“I’M WATCHING THE TV. WHAT YOU WANT?” This is the standard greeting my Nannie uses when answering the telephone. It’s worth mentioning that although she sailed over from Italy presumably around the time of the Great Depression, her English has remained abysmal.
“MA. REMEMBER. THE DOCTOR SAID YOU NEED TO GET OFF THE UNISOM.” On the way home from the liquor store, in between slugs of tequila, my mother had informed me that she had the pleasure of taking my Nannie to her doctor’s appointment earlier in the day. At the appointment, Nannie launched into one of her frequent rants about how dead people come to her at night in her sleep and speak to her. Because she isn’t the kid from The Sixth Sense, her doctor was deeply unsettled by this proclamation and suggested she lay off the over the counter sleeping pills. Apparently, although not shockingly, my Nannie responded rather aggressively and informed her that she had been taking Unisom to help her sleep since her time working the night shift in a factory. This was 43 years prior.
“FUCK-A YOU,” she shouted, and immediately hung up the phone.
There is one thing that I honestly didn’t even want to delve into because it makes my fucking blood boil, but I truly can’t even put into words how shocked and disgusted I am with the ongoing Britney Spears conservatorship drama.
For those of you who live under a rock, Britney finally addressed the court herself yesterday regarding her current ENSLAVEMENT at the hands of her father and demanded that her testimony be made public so people can really understand what’s going on. I literally cried listening to the audio, and some of the most shocking revelations are as follows:
1. After wanting to take a break from touring in 2018, she was forcibly institutionalized and “sat in a chair 10 hours a day, seven days a week”. She also was forced to go on the “mood stabilizer” lithium by her own therapist (who should have had nothing but Britney’s best interest in mind and sounds just as fucking corrupt as the rest of them)
2. She is unable to get married to her boyfriend or take out her IUD to try to conceive because “they” (her gremlin fucking father) don’t want her to have another baby.
3. She stated that the only thing that is possibly comparable to her own current situation is being sex trafficked because she’s been forced to work against her will, and all her possessions, including her credit cards, cash, phone, and passport have been taken from her.
Hear me, and hear me good. So. HELP. ME. GOD. If this is not changed and changed FAST I will RIOT IN THE FUCKING STREETS. I will PERSONALLY fly down to Louisiana and find whatever crawfish fucking dive bar that alcoholic MONSTER spends his time in. Britney is being held against her will in a Gilead- from-The- Handmaids-Tale adjacent NIGHTMARE where she unconstitutionally does not have the right to procreate. Considering the fact that she was high functioning and performing nightly at her own Las Vegas residency only three years ago (which, mind you, SHE WAS NOT EVEN ABLE TO SEE THE REVENUE FROM BECAUSE SHE’S ONLY GIVEN AN ALLOWANCE OF 2K A WEEK DESPITE BEING WORTH 60 MILLION DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!) I can only assume that it is evident to anyone with TWO FUCKING EYES that she is being unlawfully exploited, demoralized, and broken for profit.
I’m honestly going to have my own nervous breakdown so I think it’s best if I stop here. If there’s one thing you take away from this post today, it’s FREE BRITNEY.
#freebritney #britneyspears #conservatorship #mom #grandma #alcohol #alcoholic #tequia #wine #money #constitution #abuse
Wine and Zoloft 