To Waitress or Not to Waitress? / Hot Topics

Gut Yontiff! Here’s an age old question for you all-

What would you do, if your son (Pitbulls) was at home crying all alone on the bedroom floor bc they’re hungry? And the only way to feed them is to sleep with a man for a little bit of money (stay in a job that you absolutely fucking despise and is sucking the life force out of you with each passing day but you need the paycheck because you for some reason are in debt and you didn’t even get the seed money back from your taxes that you were expecting because you made too much money last year at a job that you loved but was ripped away from you at the hands of a new mayoral administration?)

I’ll tell you what you do. In the words of Michael Buble “It’s beginning to look a lot like waitressing.”

But, here’s the debacle I’m faced with. A crisis of social consciousness, if you will. Although the thought of reclaiming my throne as head waitress and head bitch in charge, all whilst flooding my pockets with quick and easy cash (without being incessantly micromanaged and harassed from the moment I open my eyes in the morning) sounds appealing, is it worth taking that step back and regressing to a place I fought hard to break free from? Is it worth seeing the condescending smirks from people that I went to high school with when I bump into them out in the wild (on Bedford st) and tell them that I am once again a waitress in my mid 20’s and still trying to “figure it out”? And then having them awkwardly shifting while clutching their bottom shelf vodka sodas and saying “You’ve always been so smart you’re going to be fine!” in a desperate attempt to mask the all-encompassing feeling of pity they have for me? Decisions, decisions.

Anyway, in an attempt to escape the seemingly lose-lose situation I’ve once again found myself in, I have turned my attentions to the place where I feel most at peace: trending hot topics/ celebrity gossip. Let’s dive in.

The Amber Heard/Johnny Depp of it all.

Thanks to my Tiktok algorithm, I have been absolutely OVERHWELMED with every single detail/ testimony from this case and I could write an epic novel on all my thoughts and opinions. But, for the sake of brevity, let’s focus on some of the highlights.

#MePoo- I just.. what can be said here? I just have so many questions. What could have possibly led up to this? What, if anything, could Johnny Depp have done that made Amber so mad that she decided to desecrate their marital bed by DEFECATING ON IT? And what are the logistics of that? Did she just have it like.. in the chamber ready to go? And also, in my opinion most importantly, what did she think the next steps were after that? Did she still genuinely think that they were going to be able to have a relationship moving forward? I’m sorry sweetie, but there truly is no coming back from that.


LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOl. This was just.. poor research on behalf of her legal team. I mean come on. For those who don’t know what I’m referring to, Heard’s lawyer went out of her way  to launch into a dramatic monologue while clutching a Milani Concealer Palette (also like.. I’m sorry isn’t she an actress that starred in a billion dollar franchise? She can’t afford like Charlotte Tilbury?) “”This was what she used,” he said, holding the compact in his hand. “She became very adept at it. You’re going to hear the testimony from Amber about how she had to mix the different colors for the different days of the bruises as they developed in the different coloring and how she would use to touch those up to be able to cover those.” Then, the brand hopped on their Tiktok and was like actually kishe bitch that palette came out in 2017 an entire year after you and Depp filed for divorce. For anyone keeping score, that’s Depp – 2, Amber – 0 .

My Hot Take

I know you’re all dying to hear my opinion on the trial in its entirety so here it is: Amber Heard is a manipulative conniving liar who attempted to hijack the #MeToo movement that was rapidly gaining popularity shortly after her divorce, in an attempt to boost her star status and cement her place in the public eye after breaking up with Johnny Depp.

 Everything, from her forced/overacted downcast facial expressions in court to make people think she’s REALLLY HURTTING !!! to the testimony from an expert clinical psychologist stating that she faked the symptoms of PTSD and actually portrays clear cut symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder screams that she is a calculating and overall terrible human being.

Also I know that many of you have not had the classic psychology training that I was fortunate enough to receive at Norwalk Community College, so I’ve gone ahead and dropped the definitions to the above disorders below so you have a frame of reference.

Borderline Personality Disorder

  1. a personality disorder characterized by severe mood swings, impulsive behavior, and difficulty forming stable personal relationships.

Histrionic Personality Disorder

  1. a personality disorder characterized by superficial flirtatious, seductive, charming, manipulative, impulsive, and lively behavior.

Elon Musk Buying Twitter

This may come off as a wildly unpopular opinion and honestly if I do not have the correct background info on the whole thing I apologize and please don’t cancel me. But like, why is this such a bad thing? He’s a cool young (is he young? It actually like just occurred to me I have no idea how old he is) billionaire who believes that freedom of speech should be protected at all costs.  Sure, he could use that money to end world hunger or global poverty or honestly anything else and his motivation behind spending billions of dollars of his hard earned fortune remain unclear, but what exactly Is the problem here? He seems to be successful at pretty much everything he does (building electric cars and colonizing Mars or whatever) so maybe he can save the company which has seemingly been on a steady decline for years now.

Anyway, that’s enough rambling for today. Love y’all!

#AmberHeard #JohnnyDepp #MePoo #MeToo #ElonMusk #Twitter #Elon #Mars #Waitress #ServiceIndustry #Tesla #Milani #Cosmetics #Concealer #Pitbulls #Hottopics

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